…my heart is very light…
For this boy there were no more times of day. Each hour was more bemusing then the last, and the loss of meaningful sound was no different then the loss of silence, or natural light.
Waking… this signified the beginning. Morning was when he said so. Or… when he neglected to say.
This boy, this Daisuke, had a sense that because he was unable to walk in the bewildering light of reality, he had been set adrift from the circadian shifts implied by days or the night. And yet, his days possessed a logic. His master was bound to the real world still, living in it and loving it in his detached and demanding way. The Kaizer, dark-eyed commander of the Digital World, held court and waged war. Daisuke understood that the Kaizer preferred to wake late in that world’s morning, and worked deep into that world’s night. But in this world, a world of the Kaizer’s creation contained centrally within his principal fortress… it was never late. It was never early. Time just was.
Daisuke laid on his master’s bed, and listened.
After the Kaizer woke and rose, the sheets were stripped, to be cleansed of the stains claimed during the Kaizer’s night. Daisuke would have to wake up for this, although he was never allowed to help Wormmon gather up the linens. That was the work of a servant, and Daisuke had been assigned a different role. Daisuke would bathe- sometimes with the Kaizer, sometimes afterwards- and occasionally he would be permitted to eat with his master, but usually he was not. It was then that the Kaizer would leave him, and then Daisuke would wait.
Daisuke was comely, bright-eyed and free of the languid manners that characterize placid slavery. He was different from that. He was allowed one command, deep within his heart, which he never spoke. To speak it would be to invite disaster quite unlike his habitual torture. No, he would never consider speaking it, but that didn’t matter because it was written on his body.
He wanted it. He wanted him.
"Master…" Daisuke whispered dreamily, hungrily.
Today Daisuke was bound, because that is how his master wanted to think of him. Today he was thin, but he was always thin, because he rarely ate. Today he was brown, his skin dusky from an illusion of the sun, a lamp that the Kaizer sometimes employed for his kept boy.
Today he was cut, because yesterday there were stripes, from the Kaizer’s whip.
Ken Ichijouji was dying, by inches. Not physically; no child his age could be as healthful and as alive as this genius who stalked the Digital World, replenished by his very labours. His death was all in his mind, and the name of his lesion was forgetfulness. Ken had shed the memory of his parents a long time past, and had begun to forget his brother as well. The boy who had once been Ken had no need of names, because his servants called him master and his enemies never spoke to him at all. All the more, the only one who existed who could recall Ken to himself was this boy, this Daisuke, and all he ever did was squirm and moan and fiercely, fiercely desire him.
He who had once been Ken liked to treat this boy like a toy. And so yesterday he had cut him, just because he could.
Today Daisuke listened and waited.
On his back Daisuke could trace the pain of the whip marks, broken skin that had later been cleansed and taped over, because not to do so would have been… unhygienic. It was true: Daisuke liked pain now, liked it because it was real and cutting. It made him feel fresh. Lashes were rare because the Kaizer did not like too many scars on his Daisuke’s body, but a few would be picturesque, and so out the whip came. Daisuke had come to look forward to his special tortures, because often (not always) the Kaizer was kind to him, after. True, the Kaizer was kind always. It was his nature and he upheld it. But sometimes he was even sweeter, and usually it came after Daisuke’s most exquisite pain.
The bed was bare; it had no sheets. Daisuke lay on the naked mattress, and he was naked himself, clothed only in ropes and a thin sheen of fragrant sweat. Wormmon might come soon with the fitted sheet, which would be cotton and blindingly white, and cleaner then death. He must come soon; the Kaizer would be angry if he did not. Nothing about today’s binding would prevent Daisuke from getting off the bed, although he would have a hard time getting back on again. Wormmon was not allowed to help him or even touch him. Daisuke must fend for himself, and if he could not… his beautiful helplessness would be etched in his master’s mind, and therefore Daisuke could do no wrong.
It always amazed this boy, this Daisuke, that with the contraction of his world, his capacity for sin had been practically obliterated. His desire was a holy thing, his eagerness to please sacred. He still knew how to beg, how to wish, but in the end he would always submit, always accept. Even his very muscles were compliant now; Daisuke moved quite vividly, and when he was allowed to walk he did so with tremendous grace. This did not mean that he never stumbled, never fell; he did these things often, and usually he would be trembling on top of it all. But never did his aim waver when his master was near. He would come as he was called, and kneel where he was commanded to kneel. The Kaizer would sometimes boast that Daisuke, his Daisuke, would walk into the bowels of hell for him… and Daisuke would reply "yes," most seriously.
He loved to be touched.
Daisuke never touched himself if he could help it. Not only did he avoid placing his hands over his permanent, low-level arousal, he tried to keep from all frictions of the body, knowing that it was his Kaizer’s wish for him to be in a state of perpetual longing. Accidental brushes of hair against arm, or even finger against finger, would cheapen his experiences with his master, and so Daisuke taught himself to be light, buoyant. He waited and his mind assumed a terribly clear focus, clearer perhaps then the Kaizer had ever achieved for himself, because he had never been forced like this. He would ignore himself, and his mind was an arrow shot off towards the other, the only; his master.
I am ready.
Waiting was the most difficult thing, but Daisuke treasured his frustration. Like the Kaizer, his memories were fading as well, but he had a whole new self to reminisce over, entirely new experiences to lust for in time. And today he had been promised something special. Daisuke listened, and waited.
I need you.
Need is everything. Basic are the needs of the body; air, water, then food… in that order and with corresponding priority. Sometimes shelter is also a need, but that is all. Daisuke felt blessed. He had these things, not to surfeit but sufficiently, and more importantly he had love. He knew that back in the world where the other humans lived, no love ever lasted like this, because people always compromised what they wanted, and they were never real to each other, or faithful to themselves. Daisuke was sticky with love, and his love was a permanent stain.
"Are you ready?" This was the voice of his master, coming from far away, and yet so blessedly near.
"Then let’s go."
The Kaizer approached Daisuke, and slowly began to untie the ropes that bound hand to hand, and leg to leg. His fingers were gloved, but they were thin and clever, so presently the knots were defeated. The Kaizer looked tired, and as soon as he had made Daisuke free, he himself laid on the sheetless bed, and drew Daisuke close for an embrace and a kiss.
"You are the prettiest thing." The Kaizer murmured, taking one of Daisuke’s gentle hands and placing it against his own face. He held Daisuke’s fingers there for a few seconds, and Daisuke froze, delighted and scared because never had this been allowed before. The Kaizer’s cheek was so much warmer then his chest, which was pressed against his so possessively. "Touch my lips."
The moment was a spell. Daisuke barely knew what he was doing, when his index finger twitched towards those pale lips.
"Ahhh…" said the Kaizer, and he moved in the moment as well, pressing Daisuke against the uneven bumps of the mattress, shrugging one leg over Daisuke’s waist so that he could straddle him tightly. The Kaizer licked his lips, and the tip of his quick tongue slid over the tip of Daisuke’s icy finger. "Mmm. Maybe I should bite you, you are so delicious."
"Please, master." Yes…
The Kaizer looked lazy, but amused. "You are such a child." He was scanning Daisuke, peering over his contours and curves with the roving eye of a collector. "You pleased me very much yesterday, pet." Curving his left hand under Daisuke’s collectable back, the boy who sometimes remembered himself as Ken sighed. The whip marks were obscured from his touch underneath the bandages he himself had placed there. The Kaizer swatted Daisuke’s hesitant hand away from his mouth, but he smiled as he did so. "What would you be if you weren’t mine?" The Kaizer asked suddenly.
Daisuke, who had been enjoying the slow grinding of the Kaizer’s pelvis against his own, darted his unfocused gaze from the Kaizer’s kissable lips to look into curious eyes. Pupils constricted as fear took him, and he attended to the Kaizer closely. "I... I don’t know." Daisuke said at last.
"If you had never know me? If you had never been taken?" The Kaizer asked again, roughly, and this time he lowered his face to press his lips against the side of Daisuke’s neck.
"Lost…" Daisuke whispered.
"Correct," the Kaizer purred, bumping his nose into Daisuke’s chin, again and again as his lips moved in the hollow underneath. "What am I to you?"
"Everything," Daisuke moaned, as the Kaizer placed his gloved hands, here and here, on the side of his face as his master continued to kiss him deeply. Daisuke closed his eyes.
"Good," the Kaizer whispered. "That is excellent."
The leather of the Kaizer’s gloves covered Daisuke’s ears, creating a low roaring as he heard the sound of himself as he moved and breathed. Daisuke tried nothing, initiated nothing… he merely accepted the caresses as they came, convicted strongly of the Kaizer’s otherness, his perfection. The Kaizer’s cape tented over them both, trapping the heat that radiated off both of their bodies. In a flash, Daisuke felt his toes curl and his fingers blush with blood. He was so, so warm.
Daisuke nearly whimpered when the Kaizer withdrew, kissing the air over his mouth before he sat up. The grinding slowed, and then halted, and Daisuke was completely powerless, mad for his master’s touch. "Please!" he begged quietly, so quietly. Daisuke’s eyes opened, and he looked up.
The Kaizer was looking down at him with a crooked smile, full and wicked. "I asked if you were ready. Are you? It’s time to go." The tiredness was there, and stronger then before, but the clouds in his eyes were brighter then sunset, purple and majestic and shooting with fire. "It’s time to leave."
"Go?" Daisuke asked, now entirely afraid. The bargain, the promise had been that he would never leave, that he would never see light again…and in return, the implied hope was that he would never be abandoned. Was the Kaizer bored with him? Tears welled up in his eyes, and the only volition he had left arose from deep within him. "I won’t leave you… I won’t!" Daisuke whispered.
I cannot sin. I am never wrong. I am justified by desire.
"Erm? Oooh… that’s sweet. You are absolutely adorable, my pet." The Kaizer just shook his head fondly, and then reached down to pet Daisuke with a gloved hand… and then thought the better of it, and condescended to removed one glove so that he could wriggle his fingers through his Daisuke’s russet coloured hair, which had been roughly cut by the Kaizer’s own hand to approximate the spikes which he had brought with him to the Digital World. It was the only adornment that Daisuke had been allowed to keep. "You’re a good boy," the Kaizer breathed, and that was all it took to clear Daisuke’s mind.
Tilting his head towards that relaxing touch, Daisuke allowed himself to be soothed as knowledgeable fingers brushed his hair back away from his face. Sometimes the Kaizer could be so unbelievably tender. "I’m ready, then," Daisuke said, not asking where or why, content to believe that his master could never intend to abandon him, since he was being so good.
The Kaizer stood up, and motioned for Daisuke to do the same. Once Daisuke had rolled off the edge of the bed, fighting the head rush that inevitably would come when he sat up too fast, the Kaizer clipped the leash around his collar, and then led him, outside of the room, and through the central staging area and several bleak hallways… until the two boys were outside of the fortress altogether.
Outside! It was practically unheard of, it was nearly obscene that the Kaizer would take his precious possession out amongst the static of nature. Even in the Digital World, nature is analogue, shaded and complex. Daisuke looked at the ground for a long time as they walked, blinking furiously and unable to look about, because the light stabbed his eyes, and the wild grass hurt his uncalloused feet. Outside! It was frightening. Daisuke felt like a ghost, walking naked and vulnerable under the cruel, uncaring sun.
"I have something for you to see," the Kaizer said conversationally as they walked. "Something rare and strange, even for this curious world." Daisuke walked a few steps behind the Kaizer, and his eyes were fixated on his master’s black sneakers, deriving all sense of balance and ease from the comfortable and familiar rhythm of his master’s stride. The Kaizer didn’t seem to notice that the weeds, dried and scorched by the sun, were cutting up Daisuke’s feet more painfully then a whip. Or perhaps he just didn’t care.
"I see you," Daisuke said quietly. Rare and strange. "I see you."
The Kaizer slowed for a second, and Daisuke had the sense that he was being looked at, so he raised his head and squinted towards his master. Nothing was said. It was difficult for Daisuke to read the Kaizer’s expression, because the light was so bright and the grass was biting into him like shards. Eventually, the Kaizer turned his head forward and resumed his previous pace.
They walked for an endless, all-too short time. Just as Daisuke was beginning to be able to peek around, the Kaizer stopped, and Daisuke almost stepped into his master’s back.
"Here we are."
Daisuke forced himself to look up. It was a field, stretching towards the horizon, and as Daisuke’s eyes worked their way further and further back, reteaching himself the difficult task of perspective, all he could see were strawberries.
"I like this place," the Kaizer declared decisively as he stepped over the leading edge of the field, into the loamy ground that crumbled around the bases of tendrils upon tendrils of strawberry vines. Daisuke followed, having no choice because of the leash, but also in wonderment. He had never been anywhere with the Kaizer before, and the ache of his back and the pains of his feet subsided as he gasped.
"It’s so beautiful," Daisuke whispered.
"You like it? It’s yours." Said the Kaizer, even as he bent to pick a globular fruit, holding it in front of him critically, and then tossing it as he noticed a slight imperfection.
"Mine?" Daisuke did not understand, and because he didn’t understand, he was frightened. Maybe this was a test somehow. "I belong to you. I own nothing…" he stuttered.
The Kaizer picked another strawberry, and then sat down in the patch, after unclipping his cape to use it as a sort of blanket. "Here, sit down," the Kaizer said, and pointed to his lap. Daisuke felt slightly sunburned and flushed, but that was nothing to the fire he felt when next to his master’s body. When Daisuke alighted into the Kaizer’s lap, he was surprised when a small, misshapen strawberry was pressed against his lips. He ate it reflexively. It was delicious.
Daisuke had always been smaller then this miraculous boy, whose name had once been Ken and whose enemy he once had been. But sitting like this, naked and fed from his master’s lap, held in his capable arms, he felt smaller still. He enjoyed this feeling of smallness. It made him feel precious. The Kaizer suffered Daisuke to nuzzle him, and soon one of his hands was playing with Daisuke’s penis, stroking it and tickling behind it.
"This place is yours," the Kaizer asserted smokily. "It is useless to me." He pulled off his sunglasses, and set them aside. Then he drew Daisuke into a pulling kiss, heavy with passion.
Daisuke returned the kiss avidly, and although he still was fearful of accepting this unusual proposal of the Kaizer’s, he actually reveled in the hesitation. The best kind of unwillingness is born of the desire to be persuaded. Daisuke felt coy, and when the Kaizer pulled back, he was bold enough to say: "thank you."
It was a word with significant power. Daisuke had become so comfortable being a possession, that he hardly understood the significance of the feelings that coursed through him. When his master opened the front of his jumpsuit and pulled Daisuke forward to worship, Daisuke found himself sneaking a peek of the fields around him. What could be more ordinary, then a field of homey strawberries, studded with tiny white flowers? What could be more extraordinary, to call such average loveliness his?
The Kaizer drew Daisuke down as he lay back onto his crumpled cape, strawberry pulp smashing into his hair where his head overhung the edge. The green, growing scent became sharply stronger, and the Kaizer turned his head so that the sugary pink slime coated his ear and cheek as well. He did not ask Daisuke to lick it off, nor did the boy try.
Face down over the Kaizer’s body, his master held him there, and the way his head was pressed and manipulated allowed Daisuke the courage to continue. He loved his master so much. The generosity shown, the kindness offered… it was clear that this boy had been destined to conquer the Digital World. Pawing his master’s flank, Daisuke fingered the seams and smoothness of the clothes that emblematically designated Rule. Underneath the cream white panels, radiating near below the royal blue line, Daisuke fingered the complex layer of stripes that covered his master’s body. It was a code of some kind; not only was the fabric itself a digitization of the Kaizer’s wish, the design reflected his proud image of self, a self that refused to be conquered or suayed.
The cloths were never to be removed carelessly. Daisuke slid his fingers under the edge, reverently touching the skin he found there, reverently kissing the Kaizer’s soft concave belly. Under the warm sunlight, the Kaizer’s pale skin assumed a golden hue, and even his sweat tasted different. The Kaizer was very powerful, far stronger then Daisuke could ever dream of being. He could probably break Daisuke in two with his smallest finger, and yet… his touch was gentle now, massaging the sides of Daisuke’s head as he slowly pushed him down further and further…
A place he had never been. All thoughts of strawberries fled as Daisuke found his lips crushed against the flat bone that lay just above his master’s penis. To the side, and just above, he tongued the cords that descended deep to that worshipful organ. Obelisk: for as long as humanity had dreamed of the gods, spires had been erected to mimic the most godlike aspect of man. That the Kaizer had withhold this pleasure from Daisuke before now was no accident; Daisuke had been trusted by the Kaizer for a long time now, but this was a reward like no other, and in a moment this beauty would be his. Daisuke opened his mouth.
Soon, the boys had sex. It was glorious, and this time, when Daisuke licked up his own come off of the Kaizer’s body, it tasted like fruit, or like wine.
Let me adore you.
Afterwards, they lay there for a time, Daisuke cradled in the Kaizer’s arms, completely owned, and yet owning a bit of himself, perhaps for the first time ever. Daisuke touched the Kaizer’s nakedness in wonderment, giddy and yet drugged with exhaustion.
"Can we… will we… may me come back soon?" Daisuke asked hesitantly.
The Kaizer looked down at the boy, his expression unreadable. "Let’s go," he said at last.
"I love you," Daisuke said seriously, honoring the implicit "no" in his master’s voice. "The memory is enough for me."
"Good." said the Kaizer, pleased. And then he picked up his Digivice, and ordered Exveemon to come and torch the place.